Post by Kilroy. on Jun 7, 2013 3:16:26 GMT -5
[The shot opens on a familiar looking white sound stage with nothing on it. After a moment of quiet, Kilroy Evans passes in front of the camera while drinking a soda. Another moment passes before Kilroy leans his head back into the shot, looking intently at the camera. He suddenly smiles at the camera as the shot cuts to a title card and plays a quick musical sting.]
[The shot cuts back to Kilroy standing in front of the camera with a smile. He's wearing jeans, sneakers, and a custom t-shirt. It has a Totodile on the front of it, wearing red, white, and blue wristbands while wielding a folding chair.]
Kilroy Evans: You know what I love? The special kind of back-and-forth I can only get with my co-workers in a business like this. 'Course, for actual back-and-forth to happen, my opponents need to actually talk back to me after I do something like, say, perform an elaborate show tune just for them. And let slip my deep desire of breaking into show stopping musical numbers at a moment's notice. I mean come on, how would that not be awesome.
[Music starts to swell up, before Kilroy waves it off.]
Kilroy Evans: Eh-eh, can't force it.
[The music dies back down and the shot jump cuts to show Kilroy pacing around the sound stage.]
Kilroy Evans: But thank heavens you guys finally did show up. I was going out of my skull wondering if I was just launching stuff into an abyss. Turns out I was half right.
[The shot jump cuts again and Kilroy is closer to the camera, addressing it dead on.]
Kilroy Evans: I gotta admit, I'm pretty bummed Masset declined my offer. That wasn't satire, dude. I mean everything I say. Ever. That declaration came directly from my heart because I think we'd be great at being friends together. But if you don't want to, I can't force the issue. Best of luck to you, don't be too disappointed if things get dislocated during the match. Those kind of things happen, especially matches I'm booked in.
[The shot jump cuts to Kilroy rolling across the stage in an office chair. Then it jump cuts to him spinning around in it for a moment before cutting back to him addressing the camera.]
Kilroy Evans: And Brett, I'm trying here but you gotta meet me halfway. It's hard to believe tough words from a guy I've handed his ass to on two separate yet memorable occasions. This whole fire-breathing "My wrath is upon you!" deal just isn't gonna fly at this point. I'm not dumb, Mr. King. I know that me and Drew aren't the ones who know how to be violent. It's the primary skill you---oh, I don't know---kind of have to possess in order to be a professional wrestleman. It'd be really stupid of me to think I've got the monopoly on it around here. It's just that...
[Kilroy steps forward, wringing his hands as he struggles to share the painful truth.]
Kilroy Evans: ...I'm way, way better at being violent than you are. And I'm gonna make sure it sinks in via whatever's handy during our match.
[Kilroy shrugs sheepishly.]
Kilroy Evans: I thought you knew by this point. Oh well. You'll learn. Also, I don't appreciate you diminishing Masset's presence in this match. He's got just as much chance of winning as you or me. Oh, and let's really get real here. You're not gonna break my or anyone else's legs. No chance. There's no doubt you'll TRY. Just like you're going to TRY and win the match. But while you really believe either of those things will happen, they're really not.
[Kilroy's smile gets toothier and more uncomfortable to look at.]
Kilroy Evans: What will happen, Brett, is one of us...
[Kilroy points to the camera and mouths "You, Brett. You."]
Kilroy Evans: Will end up writhing in pain, screaming to the heavens to mercy and for your suffering to stop. While another of us...
[Kilroy simply points to himself.]
Kilroy Evans: ...will gladly be there to remind you that God's away on business and that you're on someone else's time until the bell rings again. Win or lose, I will leave you laying. Win or lose, I will leave under my own power, because your threats mean nothing and never will. Win or lose, I will make sure to shake Masset's hand for a match well done. Because even though he doesn't want to be friends, that's is no reason not to be friendly about things.
[Kilroy looks thoughtful.]
Kilroy Evans: Maybe it won't go EXACTLY like that, mind you. But I feel my version is the one that'll be the closest. Remember that as I paint the ring apron with your blood like a canvas.
[Kilroy smiles in that unsettling way only he can as he turns to leave. The music sting plays again as the shot fades out.]
Kilroy Evans: *voice over* The beatings will continue until morale improves!
CODE RED WRESTLING
MEET THE KILROY
[The shot cuts back to Kilroy standing in front of the camera with a smile. He's wearing jeans, sneakers, and a custom t-shirt. It has a Totodile on the front of it, wearing red, white, and blue wristbands while wielding a folding chair.]
Kilroy Evans: You know what I love? The special kind of back-and-forth I can only get with my co-workers in a business like this. 'Course, for actual back-and-forth to happen, my opponents need to actually talk back to me after I do something like, say, perform an elaborate show tune just for them. And let slip my deep desire of breaking into show stopping musical numbers at a moment's notice. I mean come on, how would that not be awesome.
[Music starts to swell up, before Kilroy waves it off.]
Kilroy Evans: Eh-eh, can't force it.
[The music dies back down and the shot jump cuts to show Kilroy pacing around the sound stage.]
Kilroy Evans: But thank heavens you guys finally did show up. I was going out of my skull wondering if I was just launching stuff into an abyss. Turns out I was half right.
[The shot jump cuts again and Kilroy is closer to the camera, addressing it dead on.]
Kilroy Evans: I gotta admit, I'm pretty bummed Masset declined my offer. That wasn't satire, dude. I mean everything I say. Ever. That declaration came directly from my heart because I think we'd be great at being friends together. But if you don't want to, I can't force the issue. Best of luck to you, don't be too disappointed if things get dislocated during the match. Those kind of things happen, especially matches I'm booked in.
[The shot jump cuts to Kilroy rolling across the stage in an office chair. Then it jump cuts to him spinning around in it for a moment before cutting back to him addressing the camera.]
Kilroy Evans: And Brett, I'm trying here but you gotta meet me halfway. It's hard to believe tough words from a guy I've handed his ass to on two separate yet memorable occasions. This whole fire-breathing "My wrath is upon you!" deal just isn't gonna fly at this point. I'm not dumb, Mr. King. I know that me and Drew aren't the ones who know how to be violent. It's the primary skill you---oh, I don't know---kind of have to possess in order to be a professional wrestleman. It'd be really stupid of me to think I've got the monopoly on it around here. It's just that...
[Kilroy steps forward, wringing his hands as he struggles to share the painful truth.]
Kilroy Evans: ...I'm way, way better at being violent than you are. And I'm gonna make sure it sinks in via whatever's handy during our match.
[Kilroy shrugs sheepishly.]
Kilroy Evans: I thought you knew by this point. Oh well. You'll learn. Also, I don't appreciate you diminishing Masset's presence in this match. He's got just as much chance of winning as you or me. Oh, and let's really get real here. You're not gonna break my or anyone else's legs. No chance. There's no doubt you'll TRY. Just like you're going to TRY and win the match. But while you really believe either of those things will happen, they're really not.
[Kilroy's smile gets toothier and more uncomfortable to look at.]
Kilroy Evans: What will happen, Brett, is one of us...
[Kilroy points to the camera and mouths "You, Brett. You."]
Kilroy Evans: Will end up writhing in pain, screaming to the heavens to mercy and for your suffering to stop. While another of us...
[Kilroy simply points to himself.]
Kilroy Evans: ...will gladly be there to remind you that God's away on business and that you're on someone else's time until the bell rings again. Win or lose, I will leave you laying. Win or lose, I will leave under my own power, because your threats mean nothing and never will. Win or lose, I will make sure to shake Masset's hand for a match well done. Because even though he doesn't want to be friends, that's is no reason not to be friendly about things.
[Kilroy looks thoughtful.]
Kilroy Evans: Maybe it won't go EXACTLY like that, mind you. But I feel my version is the one that'll be the closest. Remember that as I paint the ring apron with your blood like a canvas.
[Kilroy smiles in that unsettling way only he can as he turns to leave. The music sting plays again as the shot fades out.]
Kilroy Evans: *voice over* The beatings will continue until morale improves!